Respectful Elegance: Choosing the Right Tie for a Funeral Without Wearing Black

Emma Moore
1 day ago
3 min read

By Emma, Arsenic and Old Lace

Updated 10 Feburary 2026

Funerals are intimate, often emotional gatherings, and for many of us, the thought of what to wear can be surprisingly tricky. Traditionally, black has always been the go-to colour—a symbol of mourning, respect, and formality. But times are changing. Sometimes families specifically ask guests to avoid black. Other times, you may feel that a softer, more personal choice is right for the occasion.

When black is off the table, your tie becomes more than just an accessory. It’s a small but meaningful signal of thoughtfulness, care, and quiet dignity. Over the years, I’ve helped countless people navigate these delicate moments, and I’ve learned that the right tie isn’t about following fashion—it’s about showing respect in a personal, thoughtful way.

Here’s my guide to choosing one that feels appropriate, understated, and meaningful.

Understand the Tone of the Occasion

Not wearing black doesn’t mean the funeral is casual. Often, it simply reflects a desire to honour the person’s life in a way that feels more personal or celebratory. Your tie should mirror that tone: solemn, yet gentle.

If you need some guidance on modern funeral etiquette, the Co-op offers a helpful primer here:🔗 Funeral Etiquette Guide

Stick to Muted, Neutral Colours

Without black, your safest bet is soft, muted shades that feel respectful without drawing attention. I usually suggest:

Navy, charcoal grey, or deep blue – classic, timeless, and always appropriate.
Earth tones like olive, taupe, or soft brown – grounded and calm.
Soft blues, muted greens, or gentle purples – subtle, soothing, and sincere.

Bright or shiny ties can feel out of place. Even if the family has requested no black, the focus should remain on the person being remembered, not your outfit.

For a deeper dive into how colours influence mood and perception, this piece from Psychology Today is insightful:🔗 Colour Psychology in Clothing

Keep Patterns Subtle

Funerals aren’t the place for bold stripes or novelty prints. Solid colours, delicate stripes, or soft textures are always your safest choice. A little pattern can add dimension, but keep it quiet and refined.

What About Bow Ties?

Bow ties can be a tricky one. They often feel formal, traditional, or even eccentric. In most cases, a simple necktie will be the safest option.

That said, if it reflects a cultural tradition or the personal style of the person you’re honouring, a matte, understated bow tie can work beautifully. Think small, subtle, and very low contrast. Avoid satin, bright colours, or anything whimsical.

When a Floral Tie Works

Floral ties might sound unconventional, but in certain contexts, they can be profoundly meaningful.

A small, muted floral pattern can:

Symbolise life, growth, and continuity.
Honour a love of gardening, nature, or personal style.
Add a warm, human touch without appearing flashy.

Stick to delicate, muted tones like slate blue, soft burgundy, forest green, or faded rose. Oversized or brightly coloured blooms can feel jarring, but subtle, well-chosen florals can convey warmth and remembrance.

If you’d like to explore the symbolism of flowers in mourning, the Royal Horticultural Society has a thoughtful guide here:🔗 Flowers and Funerals

Coordinate Your Outfit

Without black, your suit might be navy, grey, beige, or soft brown. Your tie should harmonise with your overall look. Aim for calm cohesion rather than contrast—the goal is understated elegance.

Add a Personal Touch

Sometimes the most meaningful gesture is subtle. Did the person you’re remembering have a favourite colour? Or a style they adored? Incorporating a gentle nod—without overwhelming your outfit—can be deeply moving. Clothing, after all, is one way of speaking without words.

Final Thoughts

Choosing a tie when black isn’t worn is all about balance. Respect tradition, but allow a little room for personality. Subtle colours, understated patterns, and thoughtful touches—whether a classic necktie, a discreet bow tie, or a muted floral—can all express quiet dignity while honouring the life being celebrated.